He overcomes our trauma with truth.
You might not have thought it, looking in from the outside, but I was verbally abused most of my life. Growing up, I lived a great life. I was adopted into a loving family who provided all I could need.
But in my teenage years, when my family moved from the Midwest to the East Coast, the verbal abuse began. It wasn't too bad at first, but it quickly became relentless. Coupled with the culture shock of our move and the insecurity it brought, it was the perfect mix for this to settle into my young brain.
You may have guessed it already. It wasn't a family member or a new friend, but my self-talk regularly abused me day and night. Anything I did wrong, anything I thought about was quickly followed by words like, you don't deserve that; you can't get anything right, you're not smart enough, no one wants to be around you, no one likes you. I heard it said that the brain can think over 4000 words a minute. Imagine how many times one can listen to negative comments running through one's head in a day? Verbal abuse can set in quick, fast, and heavy.
As you can imagine, I was miserable. I was covered in blame, shame, and guilt all the time. Whatever I did never measured up to the voices in my head. My inner thoughts would constantly criticize the way I looked, and if I did anything wrong, the relentless attacks would be mind-numbing. My life was desperate for a savior.
It wasn't until Jesus rescued me that I even realized what I was doing or allowing. I even blamed myself for the negative soundtrack in my mind. When Jesus came into my life, he helped me understand, through Scripture, that it is not against flesh and blood that we fight but the rulers of darkness. The enemy is crafty and can easily lead us astray through lies and deceit. It's so easy for him to steal our destiny, keeping us fearful and locked in our own insecurities. When we are silent and inactive, we are no trouble to him. But Jesus can change all that.
Later in life, I found that I had much in common with those whose family members verbally abused them. My lack of self-esteem and poor general view of myself was very similar, which opened up the door for self-hate, bad choices, and rape. Many people blame this kind of negative self-speak on culture – and I'm not letting culture off the hook, but I think it's much more sinister. The influences of the enemy are real and powerful. He is the great deceiver here to steal, kill and destroy. He'll manipulate us into hurting ourselves, hating ourselves, hurting each other, and worse. Make no mistake, he is always trying to bring us down to his level and has no issue seeing us suffer or despair.
I believed the lies for so long, but in his mercy, Jesus came and told me the truth; that I am everything to him. That I matter so much that he would die on a cross for me. That hi slove for me is so great that he will return and make me his bride. However, the level of deception I lived with over the years was so intense that even with Jesus' gentle teaching, we are still undoing this kind of thinking in my life.
Every day I ask the Lord to remind me who he is and who I am, for he is the source of my identity. Once I remember how wonderful he is, how loving and kind he is, and how he cares for me, I am much more at ease. I often refer to the verses in chapter 7 in The Heart of Prayer to lift me up and restore me to my true identity. One who is loving and can be loved.
These are the two things I have searched for all my life; to know love and my purpose. Jesus is love, and I get to learn about him every day as he lavishes his love upon me in a variety of ways. He stewards me in his purpose as I trust and move forward with what he sets before me to complete.
If you suffer from the same negative self-talk that I did, please know there is a way out. That getting to know Jesus is time well spent. Reading the Bible is a great place to start as it helps you replace lies with the truth of what God says about us. I recommend reading Psalm 139 or Romans 8. May God bless you as you continue to learn and grow in this journey called life. Amen.
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